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2 August, 2006
Sexist me

I recently went to a camping music festival, where I saw a couple of women and a couple of kids with a lot of gear strewn on the ground. I asked them if they needed any help, and they asked me to help them tie a tarp up in the trees.

Later on, I was having a beverage with an old acquaintance his new girlfriend. As we chatted, one of the women I helped with the tarp came by to return something she had borrowed from my friend. She thanked me for my help. I replied, "It was no problem. What self-respecting guy would see a couple of women trying to set up a tarp and not offer some help?"

Later on my friend's girlfriend said that she had heard me say something sexist. I was dumbfounded. Never in my life have I been accused of being sexist. Until I met my wife, I had trouble approaching girls I was attracted to, for fear of being inappropriate or offending them. If I've made one mistake in my life, I've been too delicate and pussyfooted with women. I have always been in awe of women; I worship and adore them. The idea of me being sexist is as believable as the idea of Stephen Harper being a hippie.

I pointed this out to my accuser. I asked what I could have possibly said that was sexist. She claimed that what I said to the woman it insinuated that I thought she couldn't do it on her own.

What kind of person only offers to help when they think the person can't manage on their own? Should I have sat back in my camping chair, sipping my drink and watching them put up the tarp?

This "person" asked me why I didn't say "people" instead of women. That is exactly the kind of nonsensical, infuriating garbage that stunted my relationships with girls as I grew up.

I said "women" because the people I was referring to were two women. My friend said "But you would have acted the same way if was two guys, right?" The truth is that no, I would not have been as likely to help two men. I told them as much, and she claimed victory.

But that makes me sexist against men! The reason I offer help to women more often is the same reason I'm more likely to engage them in social interaction: I like them better.

I'm not arguing that my traditionalist behaviour comes from non-traditional motivation. No, I'm a heterosexual man, and, as such, I instinctually seek the favour, approval, and good graces of the opposite sex. It doesn't get much more traditional than that. If the two women with the tarp were twice my height, I still would have offered help. Yes, because they're women.

So, did I see them as female before I saw them as human? Yes. And I'm not to eager to win the favour of a woman who doesn't want to be seen first and foremost as a woman. Woman are human. Seeing a person as a woman is seeing her as human. There is no shame in being called a woman.

Incidentally, this girl is a welder. She finally said she tends to be defensive because every workday she's surrounded by genuinely chauvinist men. There you have it.

I was raised by a single mom, and she taught me to treat women right. With dignity, respect, and admiration. That wasn't the first time I opened a door for a woman, and it certainly won't be the last.

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