5 February, 2000
Try listening on Valentine's Day
Valentine's
Day will soon be upon us and once again many people will find themselves with
nothing to celebrate, at least not in the adult romantic sense. It is thus that
I propose that we all celebrate February 14 like we did as children—make
friends and be nice to one another.
Let's face it, our winters are a lot like being stuck in a really big elevator
for a really long time. It's very trying to go through a winter surrounded by
people we would rather not be around. In summer we can just walk home or take
a break outside. In winter we're stuck with people the whole night through.
So here's my idea. Mellow out. Show interest in people instead of disdain.
For example, if someone at your table says "Titanic is my favourite movie
of all time. I've seen it 27 times. It's so great," don't go for the obvious
and say something like, "I don't see how anyone could sit through that film
once, let alone beat their brains into a mass culture-worshipping stupor with
it."
No, let's use this day of love to check harsh instincts and go for more constructive
interactions, like "Wow, you must really enjoy that film. What is it about
the film that makes it so appealing to you?" I know, it sounds like Stuart
Smalley but delivered effectively, it can encourage sharing, enlightenment, learning,
and acceptance. I have tried this out and found it to yield good results.
By clearing my mind of conclusions that seem astoundingly obvious, I have learned
about new ways of approaching things which I was surprised I never thought of.
This positive interaction thing is actually quite logical. Of course, everyone
loves to get their two cents in and everyone's opinion is worth shouting about.
And really, nothing is worse than knowing someone is wrong when you can do something
about it, right?
But try thinking about it this way; what harm does it do if someone else is
wrong? You stand to gain far more by simply knowing that you’re right in
your mind and placing the focus on them and learning about how they see things.
Beyond getting your opinion out there, there's little to learn if all you talk
about is yourself. It's not like discussing other people's perceptions threatens
your own. It's plain that spending all one's money on Leonardo DiCaprio paraphernaelia
is silly. Pointing it out just makes you look like a negative jerk. By learning
about how other people feel and think, we learn, gain power and insight, and make
the atmosphere more pleasant.
Give people credit. Step outside the overly simplistic scheme of convincing
everyone that you're right and try to learn why everyone else thinks they're right.
Say things like "Yeah, good point," "Why do you feel that way?"
and "You know, I never thought of it that way." You'll still walk away
right, but this way you'll be smarter, happier, and people will like you better.
Or try this. As your group walks by a rap music poster, instead of saying "New
rap sure is a sociopathic psychological crutch for the those who are intellectually
crippled, shallow, bored, and lacking self-respect," say "I sure would
like to understand the appeal of this kind of music." You stand to learn
more and make friends. Opt for elegant and healthy conversational cuisine, not
coarse and common verbal slop.
This Valentine's Day, make yourself and those around you happier by turning
redundant opinion ping-pong into pleasant and informative exchange. This brings
more smiles than do roses and chocolates.
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